Thursday, March 15, 2012

Hunger Games: The Succulent Sixteen

In honor of both the impending release of The Hunger Games and March Madness, it only seemed appropriate to create a March Madness bracket to commemorate these two stars aligning. Disclaimer: this is based on my current knowledge of what The Hunger Games is, which is none. I assume it's some sort of food battle though.

That said, I proudly present to you The Succulent Sixteen. Mainly because I couldn't think of 64 food icons and personalities or how to put them into divisions.
The Succulent Sixteen

You can click that bracket to make it bigger, but for convenience, here are the different divisions and the competitors. Seeding is done by my discretion, which is why an obscure Gremlins 2 character has a higher seed than the Swedish Chef.

Notorious Food Lovers Division
1. Adam Richman - I wish I was half as passionate about anything as the Man v. Food host is about cuisine.
2. Paula Deen - Loves food so much she ate herself into diabetes.
3. Kobayashi - The man can eat hot dogs like nobody's business.
4. Barefoot Contessa - Nobody else can make a living out of loafing about enjoying food like this lady. At least, I think that's what she does.

Icon and Restaraunteur Division
1. Colonel Sanders - This man mass produced a recipe for chicken that's so good the KFC in my hometown ran out the day they reopened.
2. Slap Chop Guy - He may be a sleazeball, and I don't think he actually created the device, but boy does he talk it up a good game.
3. Bob Evans - This is the next best breakfast chain to IHOP. But IHOP doesn't have a name, so Bob Evans it is.
4 Mr. Food - He's the guy you see talking about on the news with a beard that says "Ooh, it's so good!"

Imaginary Culinist Division
1. Microwave With Marge - Ill-fated TV chef from Gremlins 2.
2. Swedish Chef - Yerupa doop a boop doop.
3. Chef - Specializes in salisbury steak for the children of South Park. Also, Scientology.
4. Jack Tripper - Three's Company character who always got into wacky misunderstandings. Lived like a playa (aka with two chicks).

Savory Symbol Division
1. Mr. Stay Puft - Physical manifestation of Gozer. Fond memory from the childhood of Ray Stantz.
2. "Original" Ray - Innovator of New York City pizza who I'm convinced is an urban legend.
3. Willy Wonka - Creepy candy dude.
4. Long John Silver - Fisherman who may have terrorized Jennifer Love Hewitt in a movie a couple times.

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